Deep Listening: Mindfulness, Emotional Intelligence and Communication

Can mindfulness and meditation help you to build your communication skills and emotional intelligence? In this article, we'll examine the following:

• Defining emotional intelligence and defining mindfulness
• Explore mindful communication and what it means to be in the present moment while communicating
• Discuss how mindfulness can enhance communication
• 6 mindfulness communication activities you can try today

Sometimes I hear people say that they do not have the gift of communication, as though a person is born with excellent communication skills or not. Studies in leadership and communication skills prove that anyone can be a "people person." When it comes to knowing how to navigate relationships and reduce reactivity, research proves that emotional intelligence in communication is key. 

‍

The goal of emotionally intelligent communication means a focus on presence and deep listening. When we slow down and forget the fray of day-to-day life, we can be present for those around us, but this is easier said than done. Mindfulness and meditation are natural ways to build our emotional intelligence. To define mindfulness, we can think about two simple aspects: being present, and being non-judgmental. 

What is Emotional Intelligence? 

Essentially, emotional intelligence is the ability to interact intelligently with others by managing personal and relational emotions. Popularized by Daniel Goleman, emotional intelligence is often broken down into a few categories:

• self-awareness, which can help with interpersonal skills and personal relationships
• empathy and compassion
• motivation and how to stay motivated
• social skills that allow us to best interact and interrelate with others

Mindfulness - the act of practicing compassion and presence - as part of communication training helps to build each of these emotional intelligence skills in practical ways by focusing on the essence of effective communication, openness, which also leads to attentiveness and deeper listening to ourselves and others. 

Mindfully listening and mindfully communicating with others builds self-awareness in a few ways. Namely, effective communication means letting the person you are speaking to know that you are paying them full attention. You can employ mindfulness when talking and listening alike by bring your attention back to the conversation and what information and meaning are being shared. The power of a mindful communicator is not just making the other person feel heard. Mindful communicators have empathy and are perceived as charismatic, which means they have more influence, which makes it a requisite leadership skill.

Have you ever felt ignored, or as though you weren't being listened to? In interpersonal communication or social communication, it is often quickly visible when someone is not paying close attention, but it's easy to not be aware when we're the one who is distracted. To communicate mindfully is to bring ourselves back to the present moment when we feel our attention drifting. It is a gift to those we encounter, just as it's a gift to be listened to attentively.

‍

What is Mindful Communication?

Defining and describing mindful communication does not stop at paying close attention to what is being said and the person communicating. It also means being open and non-judgmental, which allows information to be processed in a way that is not filtered by bias, emotion, or personal history.

Mindfully communicating means emphasizing the importance of conscious attention while speaking and listening in any setting. Not only does mindful speaking and mindful listening allow us to form an objective state of mind, it supports our relationships and help us to reduce stress and increase well-being by reducing our reactivity and disidentifying with harmful emotions. 

"In the stillness of your presence ... you can then feel the same life deep within every other human and every other creature. You look beyond the veil of form and separation. This is the realization of oneness." -Eckhart Tolle

Components of Mindful Communication are simple. The mindful communicator listens with full attention and refocuses when they feel their attention drifting. They do so with no judgment. Meanwhile, the mindful speaker is sharing a message with intention and clarity. As the emotional intelligence model shows, empathy and compassion are big parts of navigating relationships in a productive way so working to build empathy through mindfulness trawill make overall communication easier. 

The Two Ways that Mindfulness Can Enhance Communication

Mindfulness has been proven to increase self-awareness, which is a key element of emotional intelligence. If we know our habits, we will recognize when our attention is flailing or we feel nervous in communication. This helps us to prepare and check in with ourselves to increase your presence of mind.

Examination of enhanced emotional regulation and its impact on communication is tied directly to the valuable impact of mindful listening. By definition, mindful listening means listening with focus and not being distracted. Regular mindfulness practices support this by increasing our capacity to pay attention and process information.

"There is a difference between listening and waiting for your turn to speak." -Simon Sinek

Practical Exercises of Mindfulness in Communication

We don't have to wait for a quiet space and time to practice mindfulness. The next time you have a conversation is an excellent place to begin. Let's look at a few things you can try to build emotional intelligence with mindful attention.

1. Find a mindful stance. Find a mindful communication posture that is receptive and attentive. If you strike a balance between a confident tall spine and a relaxed body, much like you would if you were settling in for meditation, you will find you are better able to pay attention.
2. Mindful breath. To prepare for the conversation, you can take a few mindful breaths, focusing on becoming present as you inhale and releasing distractions as you exhale. 
3. Listen with curiosity and presence. As the other person is speaking, even if they are talking about a familiar topic, listen as though it was the first time you've heard about it. You will be surprised what you can learn about by cultivating an intention of curiosity, rather than expectation.
4. Speak with generosity. Remind yourself of your intention with the message you have to share. Do not be afraid to pause and take a breath if you lose your train of thought. The practice of mindful speaking can take time to adjust to, so treat each interaction as an opportunity to become a little more present and aware. Paying attention seems like simple advice, but put to practice in our modern age, it can take some practice. 
5. If you get off-track, count. Counting backward from 10 with mindful attention can help you return to the moment if your mind wanders. Also, if you are engaging in a stressful conversation, counting or focusing on your breath for a short time can lead to drastic stress reduction.
6. Ask questions. What better way is there to show a person you are listening and engaging in the conversation than asking follow-up questions? If you go into a conversation prepared to ask questions, it will help you to be present and pay attention.

Our emotions can be distracting, or they can be information that we take and utilize in a constructive way. Emotional intelligence is the science of managing our emotions and supporting others with our presence.

It's remarkable how much this can change our relationships at work and at home. At home, we find more harmony and empathy for those we love. At work, emotional intelligence and communication trainings are increasingly being taught to new leaders because mindful leadership is effective leadership. With working peers, we find more comradery and easier working relationships when we foster a sense of trust. Communication and mindfulness training complement each other great To augment your ability to have a mindful conversation, try mindfulness meditations and mindfulness techniques regularly. Mindfulness can be applied to eating, walking, cooking, breathing, art, activities, and so much more. To be mindful is a practice, not a mastery, and to remember that is to treat yourself with empathy. 

At Aura, 97% of people find more calm in just three days, which speaks to the power of meditation and mindful practices. If you’re looking for more guidance, community support, and resources to support anxious thoughts, join me at Aura, the most holistic meditation app on the market, for 30 days free.