How to Calm & Control Your Emotions with Mindfulness

If you've ever felt a surge of emotions, like anger while stuck in traffic or stress after spilling your coffee all over your light-colored outfit, I have good news: you're human. To feel like we're consumed by emotion is normal. 

We all experience anger, joy, sadness, worry, stress, and fear. If we find ways to explore, channel, and express negative emotions, they do not have to run our lives. But if we become overwhelmed by them, they can lead to poor decision-making and difficulty in relationships at work and home. The importance of understanding and managing these emotions, rather than trying to stop them, is where meditation and mindfulness come in. 

Understanding Your Emotions at Work

A survey of employers showed why emotional regulation matters to business. On average, employers surveyed seek employees with high emotional intelligence who are more likely to stay calm under pressure and know how to resolve conflict effectively. When the same survey polled human resource managers, emotional regulation was associated with people who admitted mistakes and could make thoughtful decisions while staying calm. 

Emotional intelligence is important to more than just potential employers. All of our relationships, including the one we have with self, are impacted by our ability to keep emotions in check or properly express them.

Anger, for instance, can be a difficult emotion to keep in check, according to the American Psychological Association (APA) because when anger is suppressed, it is then converted or redirected: "Unexpressed anger can ... lead to pathological expressions of anger, such as passive-aggressive behavior (getting back at people indirectly, without telling them why, rather than confronting them head-on) or a personality that seems perpetually cynical and hostile." 

Similarly, fear and anxiety can become overwhelming if we do not investigate the reasoning behind it with compassion and clarity. According to the Mental Health Foundation, "Fear and anxiety is something that we will all experience now and then. It is only when it is severe and long-lasting that it can become a mental health problem."

The psychological and physiological impacts of recurring negative emotions include a great amount of stress on the body and the mind. For instance, we all feel fear, but to feel it regularly leads to anxiety, and ongoing anxiety can lead to chronic anxiety. How we can best address these very natural emotions is first to recognize what they are and when they show up in our lives. By addressing, accepting, and expressing overwhelming emotions, we begin to see positive shifts in our sleep patterns and overall sense of well-being.

Calming Emotions with Mindfulness

Mindfulness is a proven and effective way of dealing with emotions, including sadness, fear, worry, and anger, amongst other negative emotions. Mindfulness is used by an increasing number of therapists when providing patients therapy. It helps at the moment when a person needs to find calm amidst extreme emotions. 

The practice of mindfulness begins with inquiry. To practice, you train your attention on whatever is happening at the moment, even if it is not pleasant. By training ourselves to focus on the present moment, we come to a place of observation and clarity, rather than feeling like a victim of our emotions.

In practice, you could imagine a co-worker who is highly stressed and multitasking after a restless night of sleep. They seem irritable, and when you try to talk to them, they snap at you no matter what. If you tell them to calm down, that's probably not a good move. But if this co-worker were to take a step back from "doing" and instead focus on thoughts with compassion, they could reframe a sense of emotional overwhelm into a state of awareness. 

Easy to imagine this scenario for our co-workers, but how do we practice mindfulness in real life and during stressful times, when it's us feeling the emotions? 

Mindfulness Techniques for Emotional Regulation

Below are a few practices you can try now, in just a few minutes. 

• Mindfulness meditation to calm emotions: Often referred to as a sitting practice or just "to sit" can seem like an overly simple solution to overwhelming emotions. But sitting practice is one of the most powerful mindfulness practices available in which you sit with what is. In this practice, you can use your breath as an anchor, watching the air filter in and out of the body. Notice thoughts as they arise and fall, and do not stop to judge them, even if they are negative. Watch them from a place of inquiry. Just 5-10 minutes of sitting meditation can change your entire mood and calibrate emotions. It is one of my favorite practices. If you'd like a guided meditation for this practice, you can try one here. 
• Mindful breathing exercises can induce calm feelings and ameliorate fear in just a few moments. I love this practice for stress. Simply find a comfortable position with a tall spine and breathe slowly and deeply in through the nose. As you exhale, exhale with a cannon fire breath through the mouth. Make the exhale powerful by making an O shape with the mouth and allowing the breath to come from the lower belly. Do this for 10 rounds and notice the shift in your stress levels.
• The practice of observing thoughts without judgment for emotion regulation during your day can be a bit more challenging than sitting meditation. When we are caught up in stressors, our emotions can take hold. With practice, we can use mindfulness in any situation, even a traffic jam. Trust me, I tried it the other day. Here's how it went: I was cut off by someone on a busy road, and I felt myself getting angry, but then my awareness kicked in. I watched my anger and asked myself, "What's happening now?" I hadn't been hit. I was safe. I took deep breaths. Yes, I'd be late for work, but right now, at the moment, I was without much cause for major stress. By using this question, "What's happening now?" I was able to bring myself back into the moment and trigger a more mindful state.

Creating a Mindful Journaling Ritual

Sustaining emotional stability with long-term mindfulness practices just requires practice. You can practice mindfulness anywhere, from a walking meditation to a mindful practice with someone who might trigger you. I recommend keeping a mindful journal to track your practice and your emotions.

Spend 5-10 minutes at the end of each day reflecting on any emotions and behaviors. How many times did you feel mindful today? After starting with those two prompts, express what is happening in the moment as you write. How is your breathing? What emotions do you feel right now? Write as you reflect, and let anything that needs to come up, arrive on the page.

Building Emotional Resilience Through Mindfulness

Mindfulness supports emotional resilience, and resilience contributes to a calm mind. Just as negative thoughts can sometimes seem to take over and lead to more negative thoughts, Mindfulness practices can lead to more mindfulness practices. Over time, you will find yourself more relaxed in just about any situation as you train yourself to see emotions as a natural part of the human experience.

The next time you feel anger, anxiety, stress, fear, or worry simmering, instead of struggling to change how you feel, take a few deep breaths and watch your emotions with curiosity and compassion. Continue breathing and watching for a few minutes. You might be surprised how much relief and calm you can feel.  

At Aura, 97% of people find more calm in just three days, which speaks to the power of meditation and mindful practices. If you’re looking for more guidance, community support, and resources to support anxious thoughts, join me at Aura, the most holistic meditation app on the market, for 30 days free.