Desire? For What?

I'm always working with couples in conflict about each other's sexual desires. But thinking that people are "high desire" and "low desire" is way too simplistic, and it can prevent resolution. Frequently, the lower desire partner IS interested in sex—under the right circumstances, which the higher desire partner may not take seriously enough. The low desire for sex that is boring, uncomfortable, frustrating, or too rough isn't a pathology that needs to be fixed--it makes perfect sense. And if someone feels disrespected, ignored, or unappreciated outside of the bedroom, is it reasonable to expect that they'll jump into sex enthusiastically? That's why when couples want to talk about desire conflicts, I want to discuss the relationship.