Ep.29: How is Coaching different than AA with Dennis Berry

What is the difference between Life, Recovery and Sober Coaching and a 12 step program like Alcoholics Anonymous? I get this question a lot and I think many women who are thinking about stopping drinking aren’t sure what options are available to them for support or how they differ. Most people who are trying to stop drinking have preconceived notions about what goes on in 12 step recovery programs such as AA based on what they’ve seen on TV and in movies and are also confused about what exactly “life coaching” or “sober coaching” involves. Some people wonder if a life and recovery coach is just a private paid AA Sponsor (spoiler alert - it’s not!) Going through a 12 step program, like Alcoholics Anonymous, typically involves attending meetings where members follow the 12 steps laid in the Big Book of Alcoholic Anonymous as a process that recovering alcoholics work through to successfully achieve and maintain sobriety. Many of these steps are ideally taken with the help of a sponsor, an individual who has gone through the AA program and helps others who are new to AA as they navigate early sobriety. Unlike AA, most life and sobriety coaches use a flexible approach to identify your personal goals around not drinking and succeeding in other areas of your life and create a plan to achieve them based on individual needs, motivations and preferences. I think that hiring a coach to stop drinking is similar to the decision you might make to hire a personal trainer or a nutritionist to increase your fitness levels or refine your eating habits. You have a goal you want to achieve (to change your relationship with food, drinking or exercise). You’ve tried to make changes to your habits and behaviors on your own but have not been successful. At some point you may decide that it’s easier and helpful to bring in extra support, a new approach and external accountability to help you stay on track and achieve your goal. Recovery coaches, like personal trainers and nutritionists in their areas of specialty, provide support and resources, expertise in changing habits and harnessing motivation, accountability to follow through on goals, new ways of approaching challenges and creative approaches to situations that you haven’t considered previously. A coach is there to help you identify where they have gotten stuck in the past, what inner or outer blocks have been holding you back and how to remove them. A coach will help you create a motivating plan to achieve your goal of living without alcohol, address limiting beliefs about what your life will look like without drinking, provide accountability in reaching your goals and provide guidance and structure in changing ingrained habits and changing your cue-craving-reward-response cycle. I’ve invited my guest, Dennis Berry, to have this conversation with me because he’s not only a skilled life coach who is passionate about the benefits of coaching, but he is also in recovery and found recovery in AA and for many years was an active participant in the program. He both sees all the benefits of 12 Step programs and the difference between AA and coaching. Dennis and I had a long conversation about the benefits and synergies of both approaches as well as talking about where the program of AA stops and the work of coaching begins. We chat about the concept of independence in sobriety and the work you get to do after you stop drinking, in looking forward to what you want in your life now that you’ve removed alcohol. In this episode, we discuss: How life, sobriety and recovery coaching differs from the approach used in 12 Step Recovery Programs such as Alcoholic Anonymous. Why most people need layers of support to stop drinking which may include a combination of coaching, therapy, exercise, 12 step programs, podcasts, books, online support groups and other hobbies, habits and healthy pursuits. How coaching differs from the work done by sponsors in AA or therapy in being goal and future-focused. The benefits of the Alcoholics Anonymous as a program which is widely available (with an estimated membership of 2 million people around the world), free of cost and offers fellowship, support and a structured program of steps to take to stop drinking. The limitations of AA as a program created 85 years ago, in 1935, by two white men. In 1939, the Fellowship published its basic textbook, Alcoholics Anonymous and in 1953 AA’s 12 steps (the guidelines by which to get sober and recover) and 12 traditions (the principles behind the steps meant to keep members focused on the primary purpose) were written. Criticisms of AA have been that it can be seen as a one-size-fits-all approach that is rigid and antiquated. The importance of developing independence in sobriety and why Dennis believes AA’s philosophy and approach can foster dependence on the program. About Dennis Berry Dennis is a Life Coach based in Colorado, who has been working with people recovering from addiction worldwide for over 15 years. Dennis has been in recovery from drug abuse for 17 years. His recovery has helped him find his mission in life, which is to help others on their journey through sobriety and achieve inner peace and success in every area of their lives. Dennis is also the host of The Funky Brain Podcast. The 12 Steps of Alcoholics Anonymous We admitted we were powerless over alcohol, that our lives had become unmanageable. Came to believe that a Power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity. Made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God as we understood Him. Made a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves. Admitted to God, to ourselves, and to another human being the exact nature of our wrongs. Were entirely ready to have God remove all these defects of character. Humbly asked Him to remove our shortcomings. Made a list of all persons we had harmed, and became willing to make amends to them all. Made direct amends to such people wherever possible, except when to do so would injure them or others. Continued to take personal inventory, and when we were wrong, promptly admitted it. Sought through prayer and meditation to improve our conscious contact with God as we understood Him, praying only for knowledge of His will for us and the power to carry that out. Having had a spiritual awakening as the result of these steps, we tried to carry this message to alcoholics, and to practice these principles in all our affairs. The 12 Traditions of Alcoholics Anonymous Our common welfare should come first; personal recovery depends upon A.A. unity. For our group purpose there is but one ultimate authority, a loving God as He may express Himself in our group conscience.Our leaders are but trusted servants; they do not govern. The only requirement for A.A. membership is a desire to stop drinking. Each group should be autonomous except in matters affecting other groups or A.A. as a whole. Each group has but one primary purpose, to carry its message to the alcoholic who still suffers. An A.A. group ought never endorse, finance, or lend the A.A. name to any related facility or outside enterprise, lest problems of money, property, and prestige divert us from our primary purpose. Every A.A. group ought to be fully self-supporting, declining outside contributions. Alcoholics Anonymous should remain forever non-professional, but our service centers may employ special workers. A.A., as such, ought never be organized; but we may create service boards or committees directly responsible to those they serve. Alcoholics Anonymous has no opinion on outside issues; hence the A.A. the name ought never be drawn into public controversy. Our public relations policy is based on attraction rather than promotion; we need to always maintain personal anonymity at the level of press, radio, and films. Anonymity is the spiritual foundation of all our traditions, ever reminding us to place principles before personalities. Shownotes: www.hellosomedaycoaching.com/29 Grab your Free Sober Girls Guide To Quitting Drinking Get the guide on How to find and join my Favorite Private Sober Facebook groups Connect with Dennis Berry Website www.dennisberry.com Listen to The Funky Brain Podcast Connect with Casey McGuire Davidson Website: www.hellosomedaycoaching.com Instagram: Casey @ Hello Someday Coaching (@caseymdavidson) Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/HelloSomeday Listen to more podcast episodes to drink less + live more.