When Anxious Meets Avoidant

Why are people with anxious attachment styles and avoidant attachment styles drawn to each other? Can anxious-avoidant relationships work, and most importantly, can they be healthy and satisfying? As a longtime marriage counselor, I see this pairing all the time. These relationships usually look like one partner who wants more — more time together, more emotional intimacy, more commitment, more affection — and another partner who is not feeling that way at all. While the anxious partner wants to pull the avoidant partner close, the avoidant partner craves freedom and space. They have a lot of ambivalence about relationships in general and their partners in particular… and all of this makes the anxious partner feel incredibly anxious! When you are stuck on either side of an anxious-avoidant cycle, it’s very tempting to blame your partner and believe they’re the source of the problems in your relationship. But attachment patterns are old, deep stuff, not conscious choices we make from a place of rationality. By having greater understanding for yourself and for your partner, and using that understanding to manage your own attachment tendencies, you can create real change in yourself and in your relationship. This episode is going to show you how. If you’re in an anxious-avoidant relationship, I hope it helps you understand its dynamics from a new perspective, and empowers you to move toward greater connection and security. xoxo, Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby growingself.com P.S. — For more free articles and podcasts on attachment patterns, check out our “healthy relationships” collection of content.